Ok but why?

It seems that elizabeth wants to move out and live with a girlfriend of hers at work. drive to school for her classes pay half the rent and utilities and it's going to be less expensive??? I told her that it wouldn't work out for her like she thinks but I wouldn't stop her. where is she getting these ideas and encouragement? how many more am I going to lose?

Here I go again.

The last few days have been a continuation of the last few years. Self centered havoc is created without regard to consequences and no one accepts responsibility. Blame is thrown around without knowledge of the reasons that caused the problem. Everyone THINKS they know why but they don't really. History is written and re-written constantly until the truth gets lost and often becomes the lie. At least in the mind of a few. Fear, anger, hurt feelings cause us to be blinded to the real truth. Then we get self-rightious in our view and position. We forget that it's been seen and done before. We see only what we want to see. We procede to change the past to fit with our new present and future. What followes is a superior attitude and a willingness to cast off people. I thought we were to cast off evil but not people. I do remember being taught that casting off people was a good thing. That was and is wrong. I'm sure I'll be told that I'm mistaken in that memory but I can assure you that I am not. There are enough mistakes made by each of us on a regular basis to provide all the evil and hate we require. Think about that. Don't add hurt for hurt, hate for hate, pain for pain. Keep your own self straight. That is work enough. No need to stir the pot. If a thief steals from you, you must forgive him, but you don't have to invite him back into your house. You also don't have to anounce to the world that he is a thief because the world knows and if it dosen't you still don't need to spread the word ; you might be wrong.

Most of my students tell me that I scare the **** out of them. It seems that the word gets around to them before they get to me. If asked by a student, my fellow anesthetists tell them that I'm hard but fair and there is nothing personel in my reaction to them. The good ones soon learn that it's true. These are the ones that ask to work with me (sometimes for weeks at a time) because they know that all I want them to do is think about what they do and understand the why's and the outcome and their responsibility. I may be critical but not personal. The poor students are defensive and gravitate to the anesthetists who direct their every move, thought, and purpose. The last, best student I had,worked with me for the final two months of his training. Everything he touched turned to gold. (even the patients with both feet in the grave). One day in his last week of school I got tied up on something at the last minute and he decided to team up with someone else who directed him in every move. When I came back to the OR they were having all kinds of trouble in that room. In other words it all went south. He had been led down a wrong path and knew it but didn't correct it out of fear. I pointed out that it was the first time in weeks that he screwed up. His response was that I had taught him to do it the right way, and trust himself, and that he would never again forget the lesson. Every once in a while I get it right.

Have a good day!

DADDY

Dumb thoughts; Oh Sorry - "ran"

Talked on the phone last night with someone I didn't know very well (and none of you know at all) about a mutual concern. We covered the topic and then proceeded to talk another half hour about -stuff - and got to know one another quite well. So much so that we felt as if we were long time friends. Now this is someone I may never meet, but it goes to show that interesting things can take place when you least expect it. No mystry ? here guys, just is what it is or was or whatever.

My dog needs food. What more can I say. Got to go buy some.

I despise Rodney King . Cause problems and then wonder why we can't all just get along.

Feeling low today. I'm not ready to cash it in just yet but I think I'll be glad when the game is over. I'll feel better later or tomorrow.

Found my sticks. Can't figure that out? Well I lost them and then I found out where they were. Therefore I found them. I wonder what that may mean to those who may read this? It was important to me.

Look up, research, evaluate, and apply said lesson learned by the governers race in Va. The tip of the turning tide? We can only hope.

All done

It's me again

Ok! Looks like most want no limit on spending for christmas, and that good for me to. Also we are to give to only one person or family. (That's the most important one for me) I made copies of the list so I'll make sure everyone here gets one and I'll send one to Matthew.


I've known all my life that you can't save anyone who dosen't want to be saved. Why then does it suprise me each and every time I re-realise this fact. It's just like a drownding victim - they will take you with them. Panic, fear, whatever? It's hard to face the fact that no one is going to save you but yourself. Someone used to tell me that I've spent my whole life taking care of everyone else, but they wondered , who was going to take care of me? I can answer that. So many people want but they don't want to give. They take but don't return. All this because you're a good guy and don't confront them. Sometimes the responsibility can be overwhelming. No one really looks inside. Most of the time, most things don't matter. Perhaps, for me, 99.9% of the time I just don't care. Others can have their way and feel good because I will feel just fine because I REALLY DON"T CARE. I've seen and done things that did matter a great deal but having a preference about dinner just dosen't hold a candle to some of that.

There is one thing that does scare me though; GIRLS - Big ones, little ones, old ones and young ones. With or without teeth, hair, brains,pretty or not so much. Couple that with being 60 and it's a scary world. Wish me luck!

christmas

OK! I lost the gift rotation list. Need it and I hae a few thoughts on the subject. If we are going to do this, and I think it is a good idea, we really need to say that please give to only one person or family. If we can give to more than one some will feel bad because they may not be able to. Also, should we put a limit on the amount to spend? Some of us may be able to spend alot more than say the younger ones. If there is a limit then no one will feel bad. Please - these are only ideas but we need to decide and get the rules out to everyone. I don't want anyone to be left out or feel like they aren't doing enough.

DADDY