One Short Pithy Comment

It's been six month from the last time. Not that I don't have anything to say but just haven't been moved. Know what I mean?

Anyway: I'm moved ! Not pretty but I am moved.

Interesting, the left handed comments and disclaimers. It's so terribly easy when sanctimony and the knowledge that God is on your side all combine to make someone better than anyone else. I know a whole system that is in place just for this purpose. Let us all judge at will but pretend that we are above that. The hip -o -crits run rampant. May they all rot in hell.

EDGE ?

Talking to a friend the other day. (I have friends) They were describing some activity involving themselves. ( we're kinda all included at one time or another. know what I mean?) He/she/they talked about how some people with no part in his particular life seem to feel free to complicate said life just because. It's funny how some who are on the edge want to mess up others. Now being on the edge is not the same as existing on the edge. Something sad about hanging on to the tendrels or wisps of smoke trailing behind that these kinds of persons grasp just to pretend they are part of the whole. In order to appear or be revelant they stomp on and intrude in the lives of others. She told me that she wanted to scream for them to leave her alone but it would not be lady like. So she endures. They all have the same experiences you and I have. Nothing new. There's always someone willing to hurt, embaress, or hold you up to ridicule because they really are just insencetive. They think only of themselves and their image. Their entire life depends on how others see them. In their own image. Some view these kinds as strong. How sad! These are the ones not on the exiting edge of life but on the edge of nothing. Don't give it a second thought

Notice how I cleverly changed tense? In truth, he/she/they is no one anyone knows but me. Yes I have friends none of my other friends know. The little people who hide in the bushes and under the flowers. Who roam the streets and live under the overpasses. Who strive and struggle in the light of day but are never seen.

SUN CAME UP THIS MORNING

Yes it did! It always comes up even if we don't see it. Profound that is. Simple but profound. You think that you understand that, so it dosen't need to be expressed but that's the wrong way to think of it. So often we believe that many things should go without saying, but if we don't we tend to ignore the principal and lose the lesson. If we cut through the myth and accept that it is myth we become free to understand the truth. Myth dosen't define the truth, it dosen't change it and it dosen't negate it in any way. It can blind us and bind us and shape our view but that is our choice.

People are shocked when you express GOD's nature in human terms. Well if you are LDS you believe He was human, so why dosen't He have human traits? If you believe He is spirit you still have learned that you were created in His image. (just ignor those who then try to twist around what that means) One of the best lessons in my life was a picture given to me in college by a friend. It was a drawing of JESUS, laughing with His head thrown back and His hair flying around. The picture is long gone but the image remains. Of course He and His Father have a great capacity for humor. ( GOD dosen't laugh? give me a break) He isn't somber, stern,angry, or dour. Nor is He silly, foolish, vulger. He is us. We are like Him. We should be well rounded and understand that He understands us. Heaven help us because we have really messed up GOD. If we are to become like Him and inherite all He has then it stands to reason that we can develope many of His trates now. So develope already.

It's not hard to predict the future with what you know and see now. I look at my children and can see many things that will happen. You look at me and do the same thing. We don't need outside help in order to make it a mystery. It's plain. The lie is all around you. Stop being fooled. Stop waiting to be led and take charge of yourself. Look at the logical outcome that will result from the current path in our world. Both the small short personal path and the path writ large in the world. Lets stop accepting the lie because it feels better and lets fix our corner of the mess.

It's Saturday Morning (real old song)

Well the handwriting is on the wall. Might as well accept it. It can't be changed.

Now before you get worried of even concerned let me just say that the handwriting is always on the wall even if we don't notice it. Dosen't matter the subject, reason,event, it's on there. So no secrets here. No mystery to discover. BUT!!

As I get older I realise that we get increasingly irrelevant. We get wiser, smarter,and much sharper in many ways but fewer listen. How foolish is this progression in life? AA has it correct -change the things you can- accept the things you can't and have the wisdom to know the difference. Very few of us have the privilige of having our lives turn out the way we wanted or expected. Always detours and unexpected dead ends and running out of gas. No wonder we begen to remember and think about the past. We want others to know that we counted for something. No matter what we may have done. GOOD _ BAD _ UGLY _ FUNNY _ OR JUST PLAIN STUPID . I've started to remember a few stories and tellin a few. Some are not pretty. Haven't told them yet. Just some funny ones. There was a girl , years ago, who really cared for me. I turned away because there was much more in the world that could be better. I may have made a mistake. Don't know that, but do you see what I mean? PAST GONE MAKES NO DIFFERENCE ANY MORE

I have my children and their children and spouses. Most important things in my life. I still hurt for them and pray for them but in many cases I can't do much more for them. Maybe a good looking girlfriend to round out things. How's that for complicating things? Maybe everything would be perfect if I could just get the lawn mowed once in a while. Edged to. Jessica weeds well and often so that's no problem. Got to get bedside tables. See! Life just keeps going on and on.

The sun is out from behind the clouds and it's going to be hot again. Breathing is nice. Even if you hurt.

DADDY
















D

What's happening today?

I'm not sure but it seems to be a different kind of day. Bryan is 21 today but he hasn't changed much from yesterday. How come that? Had dinner and cake yesterday just because. I'm proud of him and I do love him. We often upset each other with our personal views (why he can't see everything my way is a mystery to me) Is this what happens when you teach your children to think for themselves? Hell - then they do and just get you upset. What price is paid not to raise clones. Oh well, you have to answer for yourself so you might as well think for yourself. That my friends is a lesson some people never learn. I mean never!

Had a very expensive cigar this morning in honor of the recently passed on. Some with grace and at least one pediophile who went straight to hell. ( just couldn't help that comment) Billy Mays the greatest pitch man in history. No real talent but the sheer joy of selling ouzzzzing out of every pore. Funny what will stick in your mind. Ed McMann, Farrrah, Carl Malden with grace and dignity. I don't know if I'll go with grace (whever she might be) but with dignity I hope. A little humor wouldn't be bad either.

I think I've discovered a little something about dying I don't think most of you know or would even believe. You see' if you read the bible and believe what is written you discover that it was correct the first time. I've read it as translated from the orgignal language it was written in. Not what someone says it says but what it really says. Christ never really set up any religions. He was and is and remained a Jew. His teachings were in context of the Jewish faith. It was to be the way of God (what He taught) that had been twisted by religious men. Set straight, by Him and by the approval and the direction of His Father. Now; God is real; Christ is real; the Holy Spirit is real. But - when you die you die. Your spitit may go somewhere but dosen't know anything. The dead sleep- they know nothing at all. We remain that way until the reserrection. Now you can dispute this but take some time and ponder. I'm looking forward to the rest.
Christs teachings and the scriptures have been and are continuing to be corrupted all the time. Just listen to the preachers in every faith. Christ is really the only good shepard. Not men. Don't follow men blindly. You have to answer for yourself remember. Don't fool yourself into beliving that they have your well being in their hearts. They have your control in their hearts, your money and your duty to them, but you? Not so much.

Pay me no mind. Just me and my thoughts. Thoughts that apply to me alone. I've got enought to deal with and I sure don't want to lead anyone else.

Paid my bills this morning. How's that for donating money to crooks. Oh, I guess I did use their goods and services first didn't I?

Raining today. Renewed. It's soft outside. Cooler. Eases the heat of the mind. The world is good for now. I'm trying to clean up my little corner of it. Trying to learn the lesson about how to always be at peace. It can be done. I can do nothing about anyone else only myself. Soooooooooo why let anyone elses pain from whatever reason affect you? Or me for that matter?? Who you hurting? Love your mom; love your dad; brother , sister, family, neighbour, take your pick. Life is really much to short.

I may be becoming strange. I find myself agreeing less with systems , and experts and petty reasons for any numberr of things. I find myself careing more about justice, people and quiet times. I've cut back on trying to please others and am being kind to them and myself and in some cases making others happier just by a new approach. They don't owe me and I don't owe them. Things just are better.

If I could get my thoughts in line I may have another book. Let me just say that I understand. Maybe you do to

DADDY

Ok but why?

It seems that elizabeth wants to move out and live with a girlfriend of hers at work. drive to school for her classes pay half the rent and utilities and it's going to be less expensive??? I told her that it wouldn't work out for her like she thinks but I wouldn't stop her. where is she getting these ideas and encouragement? how many more am I going to lose?

Here I go again.

The last few days have been a continuation of the last few years. Self centered havoc is created without regard to consequences and no one accepts responsibility. Blame is thrown around without knowledge of the reasons that caused the problem. Everyone THINKS they know why but they don't really. History is written and re-written constantly until the truth gets lost and often becomes the lie. At least in the mind of a few. Fear, anger, hurt feelings cause us to be blinded to the real truth. Then we get self-rightious in our view and position. We forget that it's been seen and done before. We see only what we want to see. We procede to change the past to fit with our new present and future. What followes is a superior attitude and a willingness to cast off people. I thought we were to cast off evil but not people. I do remember being taught that casting off people was a good thing. That was and is wrong. I'm sure I'll be told that I'm mistaken in that memory but I can assure you that I am not. There are enough mistakes made by each of us on a regular basis to provide all the evil and hate we require. Think about that. Don't add hurt for hurt, hate for hate, pain for pain. Keep your own self straight. That is work enough. No need to stir the pot. If a thief steals from you, you must forgive him, but you don't have to invite him back into your house. You also don't have to anounce to the world that he is a thief because the world knows and if it dosen't you still don't need to spread the word ; you might be wrong.

Most of my students tell me that I scare the **** out of them. It seems that the word gets around to them before they get to me. If asked by a student, my fellow anesthetists tell them that I'm hard but fair and there is nothing personel in my reaction to them. The good ones soon learn that it's true. These are the ones that ask to work with me (sometimes for weeks at a time) because they know that all I want them to do is think about what they do and understand the why's and the outcome and their responsibility. I may be critical but not personal. The poor students are defensive and gravitate to the anesthetists who direct their every move, thought, and purpose. The last, best student I had,worked with me for the final two months of his training. Everything he touched turned to gold. (even the patients with both feet in the grave). One day in his last week of school I got tied up on something at the last minute and he decided to team up with someone else who directed him in every move. When I came back to the OR they were having all kinds of trouble in that room. In other words it all went south. He had been led down a wrong path and knew it but didn't correct it out of fear. I pointed out that it was the first time in weeks that he screwed up. His response was that I had taught him to do it the right way, and trust himself, and that he would never again forget the lesson. Every once in a while I get it right.

Have a good day!

DADDY